Exhale. I say this to myself ALL day. The other day I tallied how many times I said this, 43 times. I said, “EXHALE” 43 times on a Tuesday and do you know what? It helped.
So that is what I want you to do right now before you continue reading- deep breath in and big exhale.
In case no one has told you, you aren’t for everyone and that is a GOOD thing! It’s hard to believe I have made peace with this. It took me a long time to get to this point of understanding that I am not for everyone and that is OKAY. I know we have all been in the position of asking ourselves, “Why doesn’t this person like me?” and to be honest, there is only one person who can answer that question and it is not YOU.
It’s likely we will never understand why some people just don’t care for us. So what is the point in consuming ourselves with the why?
It’s hard. I’m not saying anything about this is easy to accept, especially if you are someone who just loves everyone with a warm personality. I believe I am an easy person to talk to and get along with. It’s rare that I come across someone I just don’t jive with, but it happens.
Throughout my life I have struggled with holding onto people, just as you have. It sucks. It absolutely sucks and there is no sweet or pretty way to put it.
I’m not talking popular girl/school nerd scenario here, I’m talking about people who you may feel or want a connection with, but the feelings and actions may not be reciprocated. It stings. Whether it is family, friends, acquaintances…it hurts all the same.
Something my mom told me recently when we were having a deep convo is that many times people will push you away before they really get to know you. Maybe it’s out of jealousy or fear of connection. It may be their fear of rejection.
Although we may never be able to pin-point the cause of someone not accepting us, accepting the mindset that we are just not for everyone is a great foundation for building resilience.
Full transparency, we are human and it is likely that the loss of every relationship will feel like a gut-punch. Resiliency is measured by how long the throbbing pain in your heart lasts.
I’m not telling you to become stone cold and ignore the hurt and loss of acceptance, I’m just hoping that this posts reassures you that you are not alone in this situation. Every person who will read this will identify with this situation in some capacity. Each person will have a person(s) in mind as they read this and I have people in mind as I write this.
One relationship in particular that I was so hopeful about faded far too quickly. Over time, the tears have turned into a shoulder shrug followed by, “Their loss.”
You know when you feel like you have so much to offer a person/people and you want to be there for them so badly? Not that you want to change them in any way, but just be there for them in whatever way they need you? I know I have.
In this moment, I answer my own question by saying, “They are communicating what they need from you, Jessica and that is space. It may take time of it may be forever. You’re not for everyone and that is okay.”
Exhale, because you ARE for YOUR people and how amazing is it to have such incredible people in your life!?