I wish someone would have given me a guide like this, so I’m giving this to you. I wrote this for you.
My goal in writing this post is to help you who may be where I am/was. I see you and I know some of you reach out asking me for advice and I do the best that I can to help you. My very, VERY small circle of people took on a big task of helping me get through one of the most trying times of my life…and they still do.
This post is for YOU because I know where you are. I’ve been there and I’m STILL there.
Want to know the truth? The real truth…
I have been dealing with people who really don’t know much about what goes on in my life other than what I post on social media. There are no calls, texts, drop in visits or any form of communication to see how I’m doing. Yet, these people don’t think twice about critiquing every move I make. You know those people, right? You know the ones that ambush you when they feel offended when they likely have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
I can barely find the time to keep up with myself. How does someone else find the time? They just sit back and wait for me to fail so they can grab their teaching stick and get to writing on that black board.
We all know there are people who take every opportunity possible to critique us. Want to know the truth?
They aren’t going to stop unless you set boundaries.
Tip #1: Demolition To Disposition
I will explain something to you that took me loads of time to understand and I still struggle with this, so I hope I can simplify this for you. Regardless of the position someone has in your life, does not give them the right to disrespect you. Read that last sentence over again and really etch it in your brain because this will help you more than you know.
If you will not tolerate an ambush, there’s a reason Zuckerberg created blocking on social media and some genius out there created blocked calls. Don’t feel guilty over protecting your peace. I asked myself this question on numerous occasions, “Jessica, would you tolerate a man you are in a relationship with to treat you this way?” Answer, “HELL NO!”
Then why would you allow people who claim they love you to treat you like this?
Tip #2 Turn To Those Who Will Meet You Where You Are At
I say this with love, you don’t have to put up with people are family/close friends and have known you your whole life. Were you waiting to receive permission for that because I give you permission to put yourself and well being above all.
I will tell you I have been that family member on the other side of someone’s hard season. It’s hard to see your family member struggle and often times we don’t know what to do, especially when we want to help them. Something I have learned being in this position…whatever is going on in THEIR lives is NOT about ME. Their feelings take precedence above my own and will always take precedence above my own.
There are so many times I said this to myself, “Imagine how much further along you would be if people would actually listen to ways they can help you rather than repeating the same actions that continually hurt you.”
Knowing the difference between how to help the people you love and really developing the skills of LISTENING to them will prevent any additional unnecessary hurt to take place….after all if you love the person as much as you say you do, wouldn’t you want to do everything you can to keep them safe and respect their feelings?
Tip #3 Therapy For One, Please
Finding those people who will meet you where you are at will support you getting the professional help you need. It’s likely that if you are dealing with a hard season, you can’t get through it alone. If you are like me, you may be resisting therapy because therapy acknowledges that you need help-help beyond what those around you can give.
For certain generations, I know there is “taboo” around therapy and if you grew up the way I did, problems are best kept under the rug. I’m thankful to be strong-willed to the point where I was able to recognize what was best for me, which was therapy.
You know the saying, “Listen to your body?” That goes for listening to your mind as well…
Listen to your mind. You know when you need help and that’s when you turn to those people who will meet you where you are at to support your decision.
Tip #4 Give Yourself Time & Give Yourself Grace
Erase your timeline. I ask you to erase the timeline you have set for yourself and throw it out the window because your time of healing is yours and there’s no way to determine how long this will take.
We all want to hurry up and go through something, but it isn’t until after when we see how every second was necessary to get us to the other side of our hard season.
Grace. Choose grace above all. Give yourself grace because I will be honest with you, you may not always receive it openly so it is your job to give yourself grace. Ironically, I chose grace as my word of the year and I know I have said this countless time on previous blog posts. but giving myself grace got me to where I am today.
I know that you who may be reading this may be in the heat of your hard season and I know it may seem like you will never get to the other side of your hard season, but I PROMISE you will be BETTER, STRONGER and SO PROUD when you get to the other side.
Know someone who may be going through a hard season? Send this to them. They may need a guide and how wonderful for you to be the person to love them enough to share this with them.
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