“Of course she does. I expect nothing less than her having it all together.”
You see, I’ve been a fraud. I have clearly painted this fictitious picture that I have it all together and have camouflaged my ability to be tidy for being clean and that is the truth. I’m about to take a left with this one, but it wasn’t until recently when someone who was around me said the opening quote to this post.
You see, I have made those around me view my life as having it all together when in actuality I haven’t had my life together, well ever. Sure, my house may be tidy, but clean? It’s nearly midnight and I’m looking at my floors that desperately need to be mopped with little inspiration to leave my pumpkin carriage (my sofa) to turn into Cinderella and get to cleaning.
I’m using this analogy, tidiness in comparison to cleanliness, because I think they can be confused just like I think people have me confused for having it all together when in actuality I am holding it together most days using an Elmer’s glue stick and Scotch tape. Disclaimer early on in this post, I, Jessica Evans Rebstock, DO NOT have it all together and never have. Look back on the last 28 and a half years and tell me otherwise!
I will be totally transparent with you, I think because I have a job, have chosen to further my education, pay my own bills and stay out of trouble for the most part makes it “look like” I have it together. I can totally see that, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.
I’ve had so many days I snuck away to the bathroom at work to shed a few tears because sometimes my life becomes too much for me. I busted my behind, failed college algebra three times and almost didn’t graduate when I was suppose to all because of math. I pay my own bills, but many times I’m holding out for that next check. I stay out of trouble and mind my own business, but sometimes people can’t mind their own and choose to meddle in mine.
So, what does it actually mean to have it all together? Drop a comment below if you have the answer because I have no idea what that looks like and I don’t think I want to. I pray having it all together is never trending because how else are we suppose to learn other than from our mistakes? Bring on the mistakes, PLEASE, because I became the exact version of myself that I prayed for through moments where I have completely fallen apart. Don’t you agree? Aren’t those memories, the ones where we are so vulnerable and raw, stick out in your mind unlike any other? It’s because they define and refine us. It is because those moments are the ones where we were being bended, molded, shaped and sculpted to be exactly who we are suppose to be.
I love my generation because we are so accepting of the imperfect. I love that we own the idea that we don’t have it all together. I love that we celebrate it over spicy margaritas, create clever quotes on our Letterfolk boards that we display in our homes owning our imperfection and we are straying away from perfectionism (although with social media we have a long way to go).
I grew up in the mid 90’s and the early 2000s was my jam, which makes this title kind of ironic. I write about perfectionism often because I do believe it robs you/us joy. It has robbed me of joy more times that I can count. Having “to live up to” someone else’s image of me rather than living up to my own was an exhausting job that robbed me of so much joy. I believe that the pressure of being, looking and doing perfect things is fading in certain aspects, but in other ways we still have some work to do.
I pray that in my lifetime I see less of having it all together and more acceptance of just doing and being the best that I can in a world that won’t stamp me with a label.
If you made it this far and feel the same, share this with a friend who needs to hear this too! 💋✌🏼
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