After a year of learning, I come to you typing this from a brand new perspective. I will always be transparent and open with you all. I am here to bring realness to your mind and heart and I am always trying to be relatable, but I know very few of you (maybe none of you) can relate to me on this topic.
This year has been wonderfully hard. This is what rolls off of my tongue when people ask, “How are you doing, Jessica?”
Honestly, there is no better way for me to put this. During this month I contemplated sharing this. I went back and forth wondering if this was one of those posts you may just scroll past or if it would be one you’d click, but that is not the goal and that is not why I do this. If just one of you reads this, maybe you will be able to relate in your own way and THAT is why I am open and candid about my life and talk about topics that are often silenced.
I write for YOU who needs to hear this. I write this for you who needs to be reminded that there is someone else out there just like you whose world has been rocked in a way no one can relate to or possibly understand. We are survivors, always remember that.
I look at National Adoption month through an entire new lens. This year, God gifted me with a new set of eyes and since then, I have been viewing my life through a brand new lens. God basically told me on the daily, “You’re vision has become blurred, Jessica and I know you are struggling to see who you are, but I see you. I have always seen you and now it is your time to see who YOU are.”
At 27 years old I’ve had to adjust to my new life. It has been a #real adjustment and I still have no idea what in the world I am doing. If I ever write a book, it will be titled just that. In case you are wondering, there are no Pintrest boards on how to figure out who you are (yes, I looked). There are also no Snapchat filters that can filter the pain I was feeling in my heart.
I have had no guide the last year on how to feel, what to say, what to do, how to answer questions or timing things. I have got it wrong more times than not and I have said from the beginning of my journey that I would get it wrong and I have done that quite poetically if I do say so myself.
…but I also got it right. I got what I needed and have wanted and longed for all my life.
I have asked for everyone’s grace, kindness, compassion and understanding while navigating how to deal and cope with these brand new feelings.
I call my friends my disciples because they have followed me and walked alongside me during this journey as I took off my training wheels to become this new, better version of myself. My friends have been my rock and solid foundation. They never left me during this time. They caught my tears in their hands (literally), checked on me, prayed for me, gave of themselves to be there for me in whatever way I needed. They gave me hope and knocked some sense into me when I needed it. They were always honest with me, but patient and always, always kept my heart and my feelings at the center of every bit of advice they gave me.
To those of you who reached out to me in any capacity, know that you aided in mending my heart.
So why is this my most important post to date? Because this is the post where I tell you that I did something really, really hard this year outside of surviving a pandemic.
This is the post where I tell you that my heart and family grew in size this year.
This is the post where I tell you that I had to tell my parents I found my mom.
This is the post where I tell you that I met my mom, the one who gave birth to me almost 28 years ago.
This is the post where I tell you that I have a sister who looks so much like me.
This is the post where I tell you that after 27 years, I finally have it all.
This is the post where I tell YOU that YOU can have it all because YOU deserve to live a life where you feel fulfilled and experience a bounty of love you that you never thought possible.
This is why this is my most impoctant post to date.