To My Birth Mother, Thank You For Choosing Me Over Yourself

You’re hearing it from me…

Thank you for choosing me over yourself.

I can’t imagine the pain and permanent void a birth mother must feel when she makes the choice to willingly give up her child.

Now being of age to be a parent, the thought of giving up a child is unimaginable, and a lump wells up in my throat thinking about the long-term affects this decision must have on a woman.

I often wonder…how does one find the courage to make this decision?

I debated sharing this because it’s a hard topic for me to discuss and brings about weird feelings, but I feel it necessary to address to put any misconceptions to rest.

Not all birth mothers are substandard.

I’m just going to say it, I owe my birth mother my life.

I’m a human with human thoughts and feelings and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t taken time to process this life-altering decision my birth mother made nearly 26 years ago.

I’ve wondered about the exact moment she reached her decision to give me up for adoption and the way she must have felt.

My birth mother was young and had a very bright future ahead of her. She was highly intelligent and possessed all the characteristics of a young woman who was going to do great things with her life.

I think choosing this life for me was one of those great things.

We ALL know I’m not a mathematician, BUT a young teenage girl off to college + a positive pregnancy test= some serious adult decisions.

The ending of this story is no surprise to many of you. She chose carrying a school bag over a diaper bag…basically choosing my future over her own.

You see, it would have been manageable to be a parent and continue an education, right? I mean…people do it all the time.

We see articles titled, “mom graduates law school while raising four children” or ” single mom graduates college.”

My birth mom didn’t want this life for me or herself.

She didn’t want to have to choose between playing with me or studying for an exam. She didn’t want me to be raised by everyone around her only for me to grow up and view her as an unreliable, absent parent. She wanted me to be raised by two parents in a traditional family setting.

Safe to say…she got her wish and much more.

Oddly, over the years people have asked me if I were angry or had ill feelings towards my birth mother and my answer is always this, “How could I be angry with someone who chose to bring me into this world?”

In a world that seems to be leaning towards “pro-choice”, I very easily could have been another number in a dreadful statistic and my story would be non existent.

I would be non existent.

I can only imagine the day she found out she was having a girl had to have been one of the hardest.

Knowing she would never buy me dresses and bows, take me to my first dance class, teach me how to ride a bike or read to me must have been agonizing.

Giving me up meant giving up a lifetime of memories and “little moments” we often take for granted.

Giving me up meant giving someone else the chance to treasure each and every moment of my life.

I will always feel a sense of loyalty to this woman, even though she is a stranger to me as I am to her. I empathize with her and pray for her every single day.

I hope she is as happy as I am and has made peace with herself and her decision.

I am often asked if she and I will meet in person, and the truth is I feel like I already know her and know the kind person she is.

She is courageous, level-headed and kind, and I’m convinced her DNA is bound by selflessness and a rare unconditional love.

I have had the most extraordinary life many only dream of because of my parents and family who have loved me and welcomed me into their lives nearly 26 years ago.

I pray the void in her heart has been filled with a family of her own, infinite laughter and contentment because just as I deserved the best life, so does She.

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